I Feel Like A Bad Mom

Remember back in the day, when you looked at your mom or dad as if they were a superhero? My mom balanced a full time job, swimming lessons, housework, dinners, laundry, taking pictures, and she did everything so perfectly. Almost as if it were effortless (even though now I know it wasn't.)

So why can't I? This morning, I dropped Camryn off at kindergarten, but was late picking her up...again. Happens once or twice a week. I'm anemic, and I have Cervical Cancer...so I know I have less energy than most people my age, but is that an excuse?

I usually get a rude phone call from her teacher, which wakes me up after falling asleep, and I find her in the principal's office playing with toys. (I live 5 minutes away from her school.) Today it got to me though, and when I stepped in his office, I started to cry a little. He sat me down and told me it was ok, and that he loved spending time with Camryn. I told him I wasn't used to this yet, she's been in daycares full days since she was a baby. These half days are killing me.

"I feel like a bad mom."

"You aren't a bad mom", he says. "Anything we can do to help you, you let us know."

Unfortunately, unless you can make the iron deficiency and my cervical cancer go away, I will remain constantly energy-less. There's nothing I wouldn't give to be able to be a supermom.

I somehow managed to finish high school this past summer, but now I am getting worried about college next year. What if I won't be able to do all of this? Is there some sort of remedy? I have no clue. My doctor can't figure out any other causes for being so tired all the time...I told her that I can't take the sleeping pills anymore, because sure, it makes me sleep soundfully for ten hours, but even then, I still wake up exhausted.

I guess it's a bigger issue. Who knows. What I wouldn't give to feel "normal".