Spanking A Child vs Letting Them Run Wild

In my five years of being a parent, I have taken three, THREE family studies classes. In every class we, at some point, discussed the various ways of punishment for a child. In EVERY case, we were given alternatives to spanking, and spanking was considered ABUSE.

Well, let me tell you something. My grandma got a ruler over her ass. My mom got whipped with a belt. I got spanked.

In every case, the spankings worked. We turned out to be very good people. In every case where I saw a person who hadn't gotten spanked, they were stupid, immature little shits.

I don't want my daughter growing up to be a stupid, immature little shit. She's already aggressive and thinks she rules my household. I've tried alternatives, they don't work. I'm a firm believer that spankings will get the job done right.

Don't get me wrong, as a parent, it sucks to have to give your child a spanking, and of course it's not something you do on a daily basis. When I need to, I am going to. When all my options have been used up.

Today, unfortunately I had no other options.

Mom Knows We Do It

Ok, so I know I said I would probably record the crabfest on my phone, but my phone was dead. Either way, I figured I should let you all know I won the crabfest, and I probably ate more than Mike did in general. He started off with three plates of food, with a mixture of beef and crab and mussels and whatever else he had on there. I started out with one plate, crab legs and breaded shrimp. (Which was delicious, by the way.)

I believe I had maybe four plates of crab, including the crab legs Mike didn't want to finish. I tried Mussels for the first time, and those were delicious as fuck too. I believe Mike's favorite part was dessert though. Since he came back with a sundae he'd made himself, consisting of ice cream, a shitload of sprinkles, and chocolate syrup that dripped onto his hand out of the dish. I believe he had a mishap when he tried to get the sprinkles, which was hilarious.

We filled our bellies for only $25.00, but I am sure we ate more than our share.

We later went to go see a movie in 3D. Which one you ask? Well of course, it was Jackass! It was a kickass movie. I kept my 3D glasses, and even though they tell you not to wear them as sunglasses, I thought they looked cool and decided to anyways, regardless of how terrible it is for my eyes.

We went to my mother's house for dinner the next day when we went to pick up Camryn. We talked about all things from "Are you having sex with Mike?" to "Are you pregnant?", so I cleverly switched it up and asked her about the guy she's been crushing on lately. Yeah, i'm that good.

Our sunday was quite uneventful, oh wait! No, it wasn't uneventful. It became very eventful when we went shopping. Camryn hadn't eaten all day. She didn't eat the oatmeal I gave her for breakfast and she didn't eat lunch or dinner. So what does she do? She tries her hand at shoplifting a ladybug chocolate. Almost five, and I already have a crook on my hands.

What's a mother to do?

All You Can Eat, Meet Prepare To Go Bankrupt!

My Mascot "Freddie"

Mike and I will be attending a Canad Inns specialty, the all you can eat seafood buffet tonight! I'm very excited, because my favorite thing in the world are crabs legs, but we all know how expensive those fucks can be. So, when I get the chance to eat as much of it as I want, I do. I usually get cut off around my 14th or 15th plate though. I want to see if I can break that record tonight.

I'm wondering if Mike is going to be just as much of a pig as I am, or if he'll actually be embarrassed to be around me for once. I usually screw everything else off the buffet and b-line it straight for the crab legs. Plates and plates of them.

I heard they put a limit on either how much you can have, or how many you can take at one time. It's really their choice, if they want me to come back for more frequently, then they should give me less. If they want me to stay at my table longer, they should give me more.

I'll probably take video of this, it's bound to be epic. Subscribe to my YouTube channel here to watch the crabfest unfold tomorrow. I'll also probably post the video on here, because this is my little house on the internet.

My First Youtube Video, Ever.

I only make two appearances I believe, but it's funny as hell. Mike had no clue I was recording him tonight. Check out the video below, or you can always visit my Youtube channel, here.

The Perfect Wrestling Face

My life seems to be getting more and more interesting as the day goes on, because this is my second post today. Always thought I was a "one post per day" kinda gal. Actually, it's not even about today, it's about last night when I started up my webcam...

You should be a wrestler Mike, look at that face!

This is a result of me having a webcam...things get pretty out of control, but in a fun way. Is it just me, or should I be replaced by Rihanna? (Was that comment socially acceptable? No? Oops.)

Mike's impersonation of Lady GaGa

My hand or his? You'll never know.

That's obviously my hand touching myself. We're strictly PG here.

Someone needs to take that camera off my computer, it was abused to the core last night.

Long Time Friends Now Lovers?

It's official, in a Superstore release today, it was plain to see that Mr. Ben and Ms. Jamima are officially together.  We all knew it was a matter of time before Mr. Ben gave up some of his rice in order to be with Ms. Jemima. In a statement provided by Ms. Jemima late last night, she says:

"Mr. Ben's rice is too delicious for me to resist. Everyone has been speculating for years, but I always brushed it off and told myself they're just rumors."

Mr. Ben was asked for an interview, but declined the invitation. "I guess he just doesn't want to comment on her pancakes." a mutual friend told us.

So, after years of wondering...it's official. Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima are a couple. Who would have thought? Could there be mini-cakes on the way? I wouldn't imagine how rice and pancakes would taste if they were a family meal...

Mr. Ben and Ms. Jemima seen strolling the shelves together at local supermarket.

My Top 5 Social Media Websites

I'm in love with social media. I guess that sort of links me to wanting to enter into a Creative Communications field now, doesn't it? There are SO many social media websites out there, but this is a list of the five websites I find to be most useful.

1. Twitter - Twitter has blown up ever since it's launch, reportedly growing on average 1.382% every year, registering a total of just more than 7 million unique visitors in the US per month. To me, it has now overtaken my Facebook account, and is the most useful of all social media websites.

2. Facebook - Facebook is still my number two, but I believe it's becoming less of a "social media website" and has veered off into the category of "gaming website". There are so many apps and more users are reporting they hardly use Facebook for connecting with friends/family anymore and prefer to use it for adding applications and games online.

3. Myspace - Myspace will never outrank Facebook, mainly due to the fact that they are copying Facebook and ruining their credibility by looking desperate. Of course, Myspace is still very useful for certain people, such as bands and singers/songwriters. Myspace has edged out Facebook in connecting people to the music...but that won't get them any farther ahead.

4. Scribd - Very useful website that allows you to download and upload documents, which are hosted on the Scribd servers, and share them privately or with larger audiences. On May 5, 2010 Scribd launched the largest implemented HTML5 website to date at the Web 2.0 Conference in San Fransisco. Flash is becoming obsolete and irritating anyways, so I am sure we all love you for it.

5. CafeMom - Sorry, but I have to add this one in there. I'm a mom, sue me. I remember one day searching and searching for a "mom's only" social networking website. I'll tell you, there aren't many out there...and it's even more scarce for dad's. However, they have the best community out there, thus far. Although, there's a new website called Twitter Moms, and I could see them easily replacing CafeMom due to how much I love Twitter.

I Feel Like A Bad Mom

Remember back in the day, when you looked at your mom or dad as if they were a superhero? My mom balanced a full time job, swimming lessons, housework, dinners, laundry, taking pictures, and she did everything so perfectly. Almost as if it were effortless (even though now I know it wasn't.)

So why can't I? This morning, I dropped Camryn off at kindergarten, but was late picking her up...again. Happens once or twice a week. I'm anemic, and I have Cervical Cancer...so I know I have less energy than most people my age, but is that an excuse?

I usually get a rude phone call from her teacher, which wakes me up after falling asleep, and I find her in the principal's office playing with toys. (I live 5 minutes away from her school.) Today it got to me though, and when I stepped in his office, I started to cry a little. He sat me down and told me it was ok, and that he loved spending time with Camryn. I told him I wasn't used to this yet, she's been in daycares full days since she was a baby. These half days are killing me.

"I feel like a bad mom."

"You aren't a bad mom", he says. "Anything we can do to help you, you let us know."

Unfortunately, unless you can make the iron deficiency and my cervical cancer go away, I will remain constantly energy-less. There's nothing I wouldn't give to be able to be a supermom.

I somehow managed to finish high school this past summer, but now I am getting worried about college next year. What if I won't be able to do all of this? Is there some sort of remedy? I have no clue. My doctor can't figure out any other causes for being so tired all the time...I told her that I can't take the sleeping pills anymore, because sure, it makes me sleep soundfully for ten hours, but even then, I still wake up exhausted.

I guess it's a bigger issue. Who knows. What I wouldn't give to feel "normal".

So Many Costume Choices...So Little Time

Well, yesterday was Mike and I's one month "anniversary". To be honest, it feels like I have known him forever. I suppose that's a good thing isn't it? Anyways, we had a wonderful evening together. Filled with body massages and monopoly...and a couple other things, but I won't bore you with those details...

Currently he's up 4-2 for monopoly wins. Good for him for not cheating (as far as I know) anymore. However, once he realizes I am a better monopoly player, he'll be eating his shorts. Tonight will be round 6, and I will dominate him, both on the board...and off.

I can't wait until this weekend. I'm hoping Mike and I can go shopping for our Halloween costumes. At first, I was thinking about going as a Roman Goddess...and Mike hasn't had a clear idea of what he wants to be...but now we're thinking about going as Don Draper and Betty Draper...but we're still on the fence. I hope we find something that makes me look half decent.

Maybe we could go as these adorable kids...

Mike would obviously be wearing a Canucks jersey, but it would still be me punching him in the throat. :)

Haunted House Massacre

Last night was my night off, meaning that I had someone willing to take care of Camryn through the night and I was going to go out with Mike, have a good time and well, here's what happened...

Plan #1
Our first plan of the night was to have a bonfire with Mike's friends, but we quickly realized they were douchebags. We gave them a week and a half's notice of these plans, and they strung us along until the very last moment and made up some terrible excuse for not being able to hang out. "Our dog ripped up our couches, so there's no where to sit." No where to sit? I thought you guys had floors? Oh, you guys have black holes of oblivion for floors? Well that's not good.

Plan #2
Our second plan was to go hang out with Mike's other friend, Nick. However, Nick has 99 problems and her name is unmentionable, but the bitch is every single one. However, being the awesomely forgivable guy Mike is, he decided to give her another chance and go hang out with Nick and her. I had never met her, but I trust his judgement and he didn't like her so far.

______________________________________

We ended up going to Nick's house to play some Rock Band (which I was awesome at...not!) Everything seemed to be somewhat fine until we left the house to go to this haunted house that the unmentionable one suggested. She geared up on her "bitch mode" and started ordering Mike around. Her favorite sentence of mine is "I'm not asking, i'm telling you." She suggested we take one car (Mike's) which I knew was a bad move, but we agreed anyways, (because we're good people.)

We get in the car and as soon as it starts moving, she starts telling Mike where to go. She apparently had four friends also going to this haunted house, and they were in another car almost there when she tells Mike that they got a flat tire. She told us they are stranded on the side of the road we were on, so we kept driving and were going to stop to help if we saw them.

But we didn't see them. We reached the haunted house, and I had to pee, so I got out and went into the ditch. This girl stayed on the phone constantly from this point, and her voice started sounding like the teacher in Charlie Brown..."wah wahh wahhh, wahh wah wahhhh..."

We couldn't just go to the haunted house, nope. We had to go find them. So we stopped on a gravel road where she got out to talk on the phone. Nick followed her out of the car, and Mike and I agree that we are NOT driving another ten minutes to help strangers who are too stupid to know how to change a tire. Nick actually agreed with us when he came up to the window to talk.

She comes up to the window and says "so this is what we are going to do...we are going to make a left here and go find them." All we said was, "no, were not."

"We're not?"

"No, we aren't going to do that."

"Well, i'll drive your car and do it then."

"Uhhh, Nooo, you won't."

"Fine, I will just walk then."

At this point I wanted to slam her face into mike's side mirror and leave her on the side of the road. She's a tough North End chick...she thinks she can handle anything, so why not?

Nick dissolved the situation by telling her we'll drive ALL the way back to Nick's house to get his car and they would spend the evening looking for her dumb friends and then go to the haunted house afterwards. Mike and I, however, we didn't even want to be close to her, so we didn't get to go to the haunted house. Boo. (Haha, totally not intentional.)

We had a great night apart from that, but holy crap this girl has Nick wrapped around her bony finger. I really feel sorry for the guy because he's actually a good guy, and could find someone who treats him way better.

As far as I am concerned, she probably works at the haunted house as a prop.

How To Catch Your Boyfriend Cheating At Monopoly

Last night was yet another rousing night of Monopoly with Mike. He's the most fun person to play Monopoly with, except for the fact that the motherfucker cheats! How do I know this? Well, he was pretty sneaky. Luckily, he found himself a smart girl. First, I will start off by listing how you can be a nark at monopoly, just like me.

How To Catch Your Boyfriend Cheating At Monopoly

1. ALWAYS be the banker. This takes away more opportunities for them to cheat. Yes, it gives you the opportunity to cheat, but no one that reads my blog cheats at monopoly, we just don't do that.
2. ALWAYS count the other people's rolls, because most likely they will "miscount" "by accident." Accident my ass, Mike.
3. ALWAYS bring your boyfriend with you to any bathroom breaks, food breaks or any other sort of break. You never want to leave the board unattended or he might slip properties into the back of his boxers, or trade properties without you knowing.
4. ALWAYS make them show you their chance and community chest cards. They might try to be sly and say "You inherit $50.00" and put the card under the pile as if it were actually a good card. If they don't show you, check the card.

Number two is constantly an issue with our monopoly games, and number four was exactly how I caught Mike cheating last night. He thinks he's pretty sneaky, but he's not.

Mike's stupid hotels on Boardwalk & Park Place

Mike flaunting his cash from his work on the corner last night.

He beat me royally last night in game number one, but I beat him so badly in game number two, that he actually gave up. That was a girl's move. I always thought of him to be a "I don't quit" type of guy, but last night...was very much an "I quit, you're the best monopoly player ever and I can't beat you" type of game for him.

Sorry Mike, but the score is 2-2 for monopoly wins, and you can be sure i'm going to beat you the next time we play. You sexy cheater.

We did however think of the most amazing "addition" to our monopoly games. We have spent countless dollars on NHL "kinder surprise eggs" trying to get our favorite teams pucks and sticks. We finally got one of each and so we have now decided to use those instead of the boat and doggy.

My Montreal stick and Mike's Shit puck on GO.

You're lucky I still love you.

I'm A Teen Mom Too...

I finally finished the last season of Teen Mom. (MTV) I guess that show appeals to me because of the fact that I went through most of the things these girls are going through right now. It's a little weird to be honest. I am so thankful that my situation ended up working out in my favor. Camryn's dad wasn't a good influence on her, and would have broken her heart more than a dozen times.

This is such a good show...not only to teach girls what really goes on in a teen mom's life, but also for those that put stigma's on us. In a way, I feel bad for Camryn, because the only father figure she's ever had has been her grandpa, (my dad) who passed away in 2008. When he passed away, the emotional roller coaster started. He was sort of like my rock that I leaned on. He had six kids...he knew what to do more than any other person I knew. Now, I guess I feel a little lost.

I'm still learning, and struggling to be a parent. I try my hardest to make as few mistakes as possible. I just hope that's enough.

The Fake Chicagian - How I Met Mike

It was a somewhat warm late summer's day. Amanda and I were getting ready at her gay cousin's house for a party on a boat. Earlier that day we went shopping at the grand Value Village because we apparently needed nautical wear, (which she hesitated to tell me until we got to Value Village.) I wanted to go as a pirate, thinking I would get all the booty if I did, but apparently that wasn't "acceptable".

Since it's her job, I picked out an outfit, but it was too big on me. I gave it to Amanda because she picked out an outfit that made her look like a pirate had eaten a sailor and vomited him back up onto her. I ended up choosing to wear a sweater with short shorts...something practical and non-slutty, just the way I like it. Amanda didn't like it that way though, so she forced me to wear a nautical themed bikini top. I threw a jacket over it and wasn't planning on removing it anytime soon.

We got to the boat, and it slowly drifted off to river. (Yeah, it was just a riverboat, nothing special.) As time ticked away, the dancing I was enduring made my body sweat like a boiling pig. By this time, I had a couple beers and felt comfortable enough to take my jacket off and not care what anyone thought of me.

It appears I was a little greasy too, huh?

So that's me, bearing my half naked upper to a good dozen of strangers on a boat. That stranger I believe is from another country and is documenting his journey to Canada. He's got a good picture to show mom there.

All of a sudden I see this...man. A man so grand. A man made of pure steel and chiseled features. I went up and asked him if I could borrow my lighter, and realized that was the alcohol's view of him. He's actually just normal, which made him even better. Then he tells me he's from Chicago. Dammit. Why is it that when I meet a guy I want to fall in love with, they're from Chicago!?

So, we talked, we danced...and we spent most of the time on the boat with each other. I later invited him over to my place where we watched Super Troopers and went to sleep together...(no cream?) No cream. 

A couple days later, I went to a frat/sorority social and ended up going back to my place with Mike again, where we slept together. (Still no cream?) No cream.

Tuesday came around, where I asked him if he would like to hangout again before he leaves on Wednesday to Chicago, and I get the most amazing text back...

I do, but I have to tell you i'm not from the states. We thought it would be fun to pretend. I didn't plan on meeting anyone cool. I felt like we had to keep it going. Didn't mean to hurt anyone. I think you're really cool and i'd like to hang out with you if you're not extremely upset with me.

Upset? I was a) laughing and b) happier than a fat kid with cake that he was a local! Oh joy! So then we dated, then he met my mother which pretty much made things official. He's an old school kinda guy, and this new school girl reeled him in!

Canadiens vs. Canucks

The other night, Mike and I went to Boston Pizza for a little hockey and football action, and we ended up creating the first of many napkin stories. This story happens to be about hockey and our rival teams. I am obviously a Montreal fan (because i'm pretty), and while Mike is also pretty, he's just not a Montreal fan. 

Would you like to see them? Yes, I am sure you'd love that.

As you can see, or maybe not see, I win. You can just take my word for it. Did I mention that Mike told me he was from Chicago when I met him? I think that makes my words more credible...it's open for debate on his blog though. GO HABS GO!

Best Friends Should Be Best Friends

I have had one best girlfriend since I was five years old. Her name is Jen, and she rocks as a best friend. She's more or less the ultimate best friend. Now, the reason for this is because girls are mostly stupid, or inconsiderate. They'll stab you in the back any chance they get and they'll play mind games with you until your head implodes.

(Keep in mind imploding is way worse than exploding.)

Just this year, I met another humorous girl named Amanda. We studied for the exams together and the rest is history, she became my other best friend. However, I am wondering whether or not to call her my best friend or not anymore...

Shady Things Amanda Has Done:

1. Offers to babysit, then criticizes my parenting and makes me feel guilty.
2. Says she'll pay for her cat's food I was looking after, but doesn't
3. Asks Mike and I to help her move, makes us do all the work and vanishes when lifting is necessary.
4. Secretely bitches about me behind my back. (Got you back fool.)
5. Gets mad about me giving her back her cat, and hasn't spoken to me in a week.

Yeah, it's actually not a lot listed there, but there's more. What should a best friend do? I know with Jen, we could not talk due to our busy lives of sitting and doing nothing for months, talk and act as though we never stopped. 

I swear, most women are pussies. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE!

Thanksgiving Feast & Happy Endings (Part 2)

Well, we ended up going to Mike's aunt's house for Thanksgiving dinner. I still can't get over how inviting and warm they all are. It started out with hugs and handshakes, and once we sat down...it felt normal. Normal as in, I felt like I belonged there, as if I was a part of the family. The dinner was delicious, and afterwards we ended up playing two games I have never heard of, but ended up loving.

We had brought Camryn with us, so this entire time, she was being kept occupied by one of the older children. I have to say, best time I have had in awhile.

On a sadder note, today marks the day where Mike had to leave the comfort of my bed to go back to work after his week off. I'm still trying to stay awake to pick up Camryn from school. They really should think about having Kindergarten as full days rather than half days. What a pain it is to not be able to nap!

Thanksgiving Feast & Unwanted Surprises

Happy Thanksgiving to all, whether you have already consumed your turkey yet, or not. Personally, my pants have been unbuttoned since tonight's dinner. I ended up spending my Thanksgiving at my mother's house, with yet another Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow at Magnum's aunt's house.

10 Things I am Thankful For:

1. Good Health
2. Family
3. Friends
4. Magnum (Who pretty much is family.)
5. Free Samples
6. Internet (So I can share what I am thankful for.)
7. Tostitos Con Quesa Salsa (Cheese sauce.)
8. Ellen Degeneres (She should change her last name to Dangerous.)
9. Blackberries (The phone, not the fruit.)
10. Quiet Time (When I am lucky enough to have that luxury...)

So there is my list of things I am thankful for, and no, it's not a joke. Have you tried that cheese sauce?

Thanksgiving ended off on a weird note though, because of one mishap I am NOT thankful for. Drunk, stupid people. There's a difference between being drunk and stupid for fun, and being drunk and stupid which makes you dumber than before.

Of course, I am addicted to yet another FB application, (not Farmville) and it just so happened I couldn't sleep because Magnum wasn't holding me for the first time in a week. (What? I got addicted! Sue me.)

An old pal of mine comes online and is obviously drunk. Starts telling me how he adores me, how he'd leave his wife for me because he finds me fascinating...(stupid.) So, for two hours we talked and I told him how I was flattered, but that I am in love, and wouldn't trade down for the life of me.

Things I am NOT Thankful For:

1. Drunk, Stupid People.

So, that concludes part one of my Thanksgiving weekend. Tomorrow should be interesting!

Attention All Women!

All I hear is that women shouldn't burp, beltch, fart, toot or not shave their legs for months at a time so they look like sasquatch. However, a friend of mine asked why it's so hard to find girls like me. Me? I burp, beltch, fart on people and moon cars as they drive past me walking on the sidewalk sometimes for fun.

So, my question to you ladies is...why the fuck would you want to be pristine? I know some "ladies" who cringe at the thought of a bad word. Shame on you! You have no sense of humor whatsoever. Fart a little, burp a little, and for god sakes drink beer! Learn to play football because it's fun. Make dirty jokes and wear hardly any makeup. Sure it's fun to dress up and be "pretty" once in awhile...but being a lady takes hardly any effort. Try being a disgusting pig once in awhile...that takes effort.

This is my new standard for women. It's not hard, it's human!